>>117959Because instead of having a subconscious you have a completely shattered personality that exists in superposition with a core self that you believe is benevolent, and have rationalized yourself into thinking that this is how a normal brain operates. You let a community of incels define you as female when on some level you cannot justify the existence of gender identity to yourself but everyone goes along with it and you are afraid that being honest with your friends will result in backlash.
All you want in life is friends who understand you better than you know yourself, and the trans community is the closest you can get because they cold-read a list of auxiliary cluster B illnesses to you, most likely NPD, to you and said it was gender dysphoria, (cluster b can fuck with your identity enough to trigger body dysmorphia and discomfort/apathy for yourself and your appearance and trigger Derealization) and said it was because you wanted to be a girl and you rationalized yourself into thinking it, but since you can't even believe the bullshit you are fed, you have to keep it in a superposition of simultaneously being true or false when you need it to be in your mind when it's convenient, because your fear of abandonment is stronger than your ability to stand up for yourself, and this leads you to disregard others and live in intense fear.
Just be honest with yourself for once. It's ok. The world loves you for who you are, and at your core you know you're a good person and we can all see that. None of this is your fault and likely was behavior you came up with yourself to cope with awful parenting at a young age and being bullied in school, but now you are at a stage where you can work on self mastery and overcome inhibitions and fears, because nobody should have to live the way you do. We all know you're intelligent and bright and nobody thinks less of you for growing as a person. And if by chance you still want to be a girl afterwards, you confidently can.
