hi guys, today i wanted to share a little bit of myself
i was moved to europe (by my parents) from the caribbean when i was twelve years old, next year marks the year i turn 30, during this time i only went back (for a very short period) only once in my teens
ever since coming here i have had this weird feeling of being in a dream without being able to wake up, it just doesn't feel like the reality i felt back in my childhood
i couldn't make friends, and still today i can't make friends, i am writing this as today i came from work while feeling extremely lonely, i think my colleagues have their own chat room somewhere where they share stuff, i can't follow their conversations, nor ask to join since i think they made it exactly to discuss stuff without me
acquaintances just come and pass by, the amount of people i have some kind of connection outside of work or family is zero
this might sound strange, but when forming words using the local language my guts feel bad, similar feeling for my native language as well, i started using english when i am with myself to avoid this feeling, it's not spoken anywhere here, it is only me