>>28230290Jesus, it's huge.
>>28230614Yeah, I picked up that you're trying to provide information for those not in the know
like me, I haven't played PMD but it felt invasive, I think. On the one hand, working that in is great, you're covering your bases, on the other, dunno if you need to, given people that are reading it (that aren't me) are likely going to already know what's going on.
I'd go with broad strokes and offhand mentions. It leads those unfamiliar along just enough to form an idea, but doesn't raise questions in the heads of those who know what's going on.
Nah, I'm referencing how you ended chapter 1. I didn't notice the second link, I'll give the rest of the work a read in a bit. The whole "wait why are these stairs here" fell a bit flat for me, is what I mean. The chapter ends on these stairs but I didn't feel like I cared to find out why. Might have been a good idea to approach with a greater sense of innate wrongness, because as you have it written now it appears as more of a curiosity.
Good work though, didn't have space in the last post to mention that. If this is your first time producing work you've avoided a fair chunk of the usual pitfalls for new authors.
