By the way, I got around to reading some stories.
>>53660905>>53676360Nice work, Skorupi-anon! Your style is descriptive and polished. I liked seeing Smith's training methods and challenges in the 1st story. And in the 2nd, it was nice to see him lighten up in the part with the bow tie, and Furret was super cute too. I hope they meet again.
But in the 2nd story, there are multiple paragraphs that contain 2 characters' quotes; you should start a new paragraph when a new character starts talking. Also, you keep putting periods after the quotes, which is incorrect. Example:
>"What did I just eat?".>>53661783https://rentry.org/tqb5qGreat story, Togetic-anon! I really like Togetic as a character. Great job portraying his nervousness and concerns, as well as his trouble talking
which hits very close to home, because I talk just like he does. I also like the contrast between his clear thoughts and his stuttering speech, and the way the speech problem is resolved with
telepathy is a cool idea. And the ending is absolutely hilarious.
One small critique: I think you say "Togetic" too much at the start. You can replace some of those namedrops with a simple "he" to make it feel less repetitive.
>>53667695https://rentry.org/9tqkaA solid story, as usual, Chespin-anon! You did a good job writing the three characters and the ways they interact and bounce off each other. I also enjoyed the descriptions of the dungeon and how weird it is. And Chespin's reaction to the final item was adorable. Also, talking about how this is
the last soda they'll ever drink... I liked that scene.
The callbacks to your other stories were cool, too. But to be honest, I also thought it was contrived how
the bosses return. I mean, it's a huge coincidence that those specific Pokemon just so happen to appear in this one dungeon that Chespin randomly explores. Still, the fights were fun, and I enjoyed the story overall.
