>>53470165I'm really happy you like my stories so much. Thank you!
I guess this is a good opportunity to return the favor and share what I think of your story...
>Kaiji and Kris in Taliban Mystery Dungeon>https://rentry.org/xt6xxI thought this would be a stupid shitpost based on the title, but I couldn't be more wrong. It's a great story with strong descriptions and imagery, an exciting battle scene, some funny parts, and pretty solid grammar (with one exception—more on that later).
I really love the main characters. They have well-defined personalities that contrast nicely with each other. It seems like an abusive relationship, though, and I felt pretty bad for Kris, but I'm glad Kaiji shows some kindness near the end.
All throughout the story, I especially like how clever Kaiji is. He's such a smooth operator, and it's fun to watch him scheme and trick everyone. For example, his initial plan to fight the bandits made sense, and when he realized what the bandits really were, his attempt to fool them was smart.
Speaking of clever:
the way you incorporate actual Islamic lore about Dajjal (missing an eye and having the word Disbeliever written on his face), and connect it to Kris, is really cool. And it doesn't feel contrived either—the reasons why Kris attained those traits do make sense.But as I mentioned before, I have one piece of criticism: the way you format paragraphs needs work. You currently have paragraphs that are huge chunks of text, and they need to be split up. When you start a new train of thought, or when a new character starts talking, you should start a new paragraph. Basically, every paragraph should either cover one character’s speech, or cover a particular concept or idea. This improves readability by avoiding giant blocks of text with narration and dialogue all jumbled together.
Aside from that, I really don’t have any complaints. This is actually one of my favorite stories so far. Well done!
