>>54276984good story growlithe-anon, I liked it!
lots of funny interactions, like
Lliam making up a fake explanation behind the guild's name before Cyndaquil spoils it anyway, Gill scarfing down his food messily while Bill's trying to figure out how to use the fork properly, or describing Porygon eating the marinara as dark sorcery. I also liked seeing a bit more description about how the twins experience the world, like their canine sense of smell (and how jarring it could be to find something with no scent), or how everything looks semi-realistic to them like in Detective Pikachu—I like seeing the different ways authors describe or interpret details like that.Though, I did notice a couple mistakes:
>*”...>…>…pasta?”*The formatting broke here. On Rentry, open formatting won't carry over past line breaks, so you'd have to separately open/close it on each line, like:
>*”...*>*…*>*…pasta?”*>"[...] and a lot of natives like KFC, Kaiji and Furret have joined us as well!"Kaiji isn't native, though you seem to acknowledge that later so I assume you meant to write someone else and just got the names mixed up for a second.
Finally, as for characterization,
don't worry too hard about it, because I never really pay much mind to how my characters are written in other stories as long as it's not, like, super OOC during an important moment. I will say, though, that Kris would never lie about a prediction (if that's what you were getting at), he'll put all of his faith behind even the ones that seem iffy to HIM and try his hardest to warn people of them, because of what happened on an old adventure when he couldn't convince his partners to listen to one and disaster struck. I also think Kaiji wouldn't be quite that mean about explaining Kris' craziness, though he'd still be a *little* rude about it (even around Kris) just for the sake of getting the point across.All in all, I liked it!
