Continuing my backlog quest, I read the 2nd part of Chespin-anon's Chiller story.
>https://rentry.org/6ht5iI actually felt like the plot structure was a bit weird, since it lacked the usual format of rising action and climax. You usually want to build up to some sort of satisfying finale that delivers a message or has a big emotional payoff, but that didn't happen here. The
Gliscor fight felt like it should have been the finale, since it involved
Chespin being forced to overcome his fear and use ice in a tense situation, which is a much more climactic scenario than
ice skating.
There were also some minor grammar issues, like comma splices, so watch out for those:
>The immense stress from the first time is thankfully absent, at least this time I know for sure it's temporary.>I don't know if Wooper knows how to swim in my body, I gotta do something!However, there were plenty of good moments. Both
hug scenes were super wholesome and cute. There was some nice comedy too, like Wooper making an awkwardly long scream while charging that one move, and the edgelord scene. And bringing back the
body swapping concept was a good idea. Also, the
in-game screenshot was cool. (I wonder how you did that--did you nickname a Wooper "Chespin" and hunt for a Gliscor in a forest dungeon?)So overall, it wasn't a bad read, and it's nice to see Chespin getting over his fear at last. I've definitely enjoyed the "Chespin vs. ice" plotline throughout your stories.
Oh, and one more thing regarding the shop in the story:
do the paint symbols remain on the swapped bodies, or disappear as soon as they unleash their power and perform the swap? I ask because I'd like to write a body-swap story in the future.>>54035174Thank you for reading! I'm glad you think I handled Ross well.
