>>34500523>>34507937Moving on: when Echo observes the stone structure in the morning, I suggest you take a few words to explain why he keeps angling his wings around. I think he's doing it to hear better, but I’d prefer a more straightforward explanation of what he's doing.
Also, when Echo gets hit in the face by that arrow, is it an intangible ghost arrow as opposed to a real one? If that's the case, I think you should specify it to avoid confusion. Maybe make Echo act surprised that he's not dead, until he realizes it must have been a ghost arrow, and therefore nonlethal.
Later, when the trio makes it to the stone structure, the setting really lacks description and detail. As it is now, I have no idea what the place looks like, except that it involves stone.
Also, why didn't Brand say that the structure was a dungeon before they entered it? He apparently knew it was, so why didn't he try to warn the others about it?
Speaking of Brand, I think his reaction when he returns to the town is too subdued. He shows no emotion, except for a "pang of loneliness" when nobody in the town notices him. Maybe he's just super stoic, but it was odd to see him have pretty much no reaction to returning home after being trapped elsewhere for so long. I'm not saying he should fall to his knees and kiss the dirt, but I'd like to see some sort of emotional response out of him.
After Brand leaves, and Sierra and Echo are back at the entrance and want to talk with Chryse, why does Echo step out from behind cover? I feel like he and Sierra could have just stayed hidden and asked Chryse for a truce without exposing themselves to her attacks.
Side note: it took me until this point in the story to realize that both their names are NATO alphabet code words. I'm surprised I didn't catch on sooner. I got the reference with Echo right away, but Sierra is a normal name in addition to a NATO code word, so I guess that's what threw me off regarding her.[2/3]
