>>39100659Exca though NKing hits a close 2nd
I'm in a situation in life where I'm basically just writhing in my own misery in silence until the day finally comes I can't take it anymore and I murder someone myself or both, or in a more just day I just fucking die of a freak medical incident. I've been like this for so long my family just assumes I have a silent personality when I really believe I don't deserve to speak much less breathe, and they're the literal only people I say a couple of frightened words a day. The few irl friends I've ever had have moved on years ago, and I've intentionally made sure to push any online friends I had away so no one ever has to deal with me more than they absolutely have to, which is why anonymous boards like these are the only actual human interaction I even allow myself. Long story short a pile of external factors combined with the absolute plane-crash of a fucking diseased and malformed psyche I call my own have got me helplessly paralyzed and unable to do anything but wait for the inevitable disaster.
Thread appropriate in that keeping this suppressed to myself for as long as I'm able is all I can do in order to keep the fragile family image we all try so pathetically to uphold from crashing down and ruining all of us