Gonna share my thoughts on the "Crusader's Intermission Hour" stories by Espeanon.
"Two Poké"
>https://rentry.org/CrusaderIntermission1I like how you wrote the interactions and romance between the two main characters. I kinda wish we got to see more of them and watch their relationship develop prior to this story, but you did a good job of filling in their backstory here, and their romance was believable and nice to read about. Also, it was cool to get some worldbuilding about Blaziken, and the ending was interesting.
As for criticism, I feel like the story needed more conflict, because the hair drama was resolved easily, and there wasn't much conflict after that aside from some basic nervousness about the date. The intro was clunky and presented exposition in a weird way. I also would've liked to see more description of characters' activities/behavior during conversations to break up the dialogue. Capim could've used more imagery in the scene where they explore it, although other parts of the story had some good imagery. Lastly, I caught various typos, but none of them crippled the story.
By the way, the concept reminded me of that Mythbusters episode where Adam burned off an eyebrow before his big date, lol
"Four Legs to Stand On"
>https://rentry.org/CrusaderIntermission2You did a great job portraying Beau's troubles and frustrations. The arguments felt realistic, and you conveyed everyone's emotions well. The ending was cool, but I felt like it was missing something because
it didn't really resolve the group's conflict. Perhaps it would've been better if Beau presented the food to everyone, and they took the chance to reconcile with each other.Overall, good work. I'm pretty curious to see where the ending of the first story will lead.
