>>56652194>Here's what I've written so far, if you're curiousYes! I was gonna ask you if I could read what you already have, so I could get an idea.
>Quite the contrary, actually. It's just that it involves a lot of flowery language that aims to show, rather than tell.That's great, I'm impressed that they gave you advice. When I sought recommendations for fics with good battles, the general response was that they don't exist. But no, flowery language =/= showing rather than telling. You can very well show things without using flowery language, and there's a lot of stuff written in flowery language that's just telling. A good way to explain the "show, don't tell" concept is to compare writing with visual media, like movies/anime. Think of your writing like a scene where each character is an actor, and you're the director. The characters are never just standing around and talking, they're always moving or doing something else, because that's what real people do. And you gotta describe that.
When you're writing a battle - each move is a specific "choreography", so to speak. It's never just "Ceruledge uses Bitter Blade on Meowscarada, it's super effective, Meowscarada counters with [something else]", you gotta describe Ceruledge inflicting a flame-infused slash on the cat, and the cat meowing in pain and struggling to get a shot in. *That* specific slash, filtered through your POV character's... well, POV. Think about it, what would that feel like, from an observer's POV? The clanging of Ceruledge's armor, the smell of smoke, and its sound... When you describe a scene that's gonna make an impact, you need to go into detail on how it affects all senses. Same for sex and everything else, really.
What does kissing Nemona feel like? Maybe she holds your cheeks in her hands, and suddenly your cheeks are warmer. She leans in; her breath tickles your lips, her hands glide down to settle on your chest, and your heart jumps. Can you see where I'm going?
>Cont'd 