>>15716308He weighs 683 kg.
Let's break his mass up into several regions. His legs, neck, head, and tail are all comparible size and shape, so they can basically be broken into 7 equal sections, with the rest of his weight going into his torso. There's no way section 8 can account for more than 35% of that mass, and even then, it's not his full weight you'd have to deal with either. If he sat his asshole down on you, he's still going to have some weight on his front legs.
So let's see, we've got 35% of 683 kg, and then half of that because of how the weight is aligned, leaving approximately 120 kg of force across my entire body, and even then that is a generous guess. It'd be like an erotic, 300 lb bean bag chair slowly smothering you mate.
