>>22598544I really do love the little bird/flight-related puns you work into Winona's speech. It makes her stand out from the other characters--like I've said in a previous post, you could distinguish her speech from those of the people around her (this also goes for the Poppy character and I think she's entertaining too). You're giving Winona more depth than the games ever did and while I liked her aesthetically, this fic is making me grow to like her as the person you're envisioning her.
Like the first chapter, the dialogue reads like a sitcom--in writing, this can be a good thing or something less than desirable, but for the type of story you are looking to write, it is quite fitting and it helps keep the (generally) lighthearted tone.
I would be interested to hear more about her experiences at the academy. She graduated at the top of her class--what types of things did she do to get her that coveted spot? What if the messenger knew about her experiences from the database? Kinda like a permanent record.
I kinda agree with the doc reviewer about the bird hugging line. On the scale of humor, it seems a bit too heavy of a topic and so the humorous effect is lost. I think if you reworded it using a different term, you would be fine.
Again, I really like how you portray the Taillow here, how it seems more like a pet rather than a tool for battle.
Thanks for updating me! I look forward to the third installment.
