>>20526413Greetings, valued citizen! Safety-gon here with your friendly news update!
WARNING! YOU HAVE NOT REPORTED TO YOUR DESIGNATED OFFICIAL IN [NaN] DAYS! Failure to report may result in denial of monthly food privileges.
The forecast for your area today is: [Heavy Sandstorms]. Remain indoors, REPEAT, REMAIN INDOORS.
==Today's Breaking News==
-World Government assures citizens water supplies 'in no danger' from local Muk population
-Bold new scheme to contain Beedrill swarms approved by all 5 high council members
-Scientific study finds surprising health benefits in Soda Pop
REMAIN INDOORS