>>45053767>>45053774>As she rides your thick cock, your mind can't focus on anything else but that fantastic ass, which you get more than a good view of as she rides reverse cowgirlThis is an entire sentence with too many commas and unnecessary words. Rewrite it to "You can only focus on her fantastic ass as she rides your girthy cock reverse cowgirl"
>Her breasts bounce with an almost inhuman perfection to them, and you swear Delete the comma. You have an inhuman focus on 'near', 'almost' and 'seems', cut those words down.
>And yetNever use 'and' as the first word in a sentence. The word is used to connect two independent clauses.
>her thighs squeeze you with a softness you haven't felt beforeImproper sentence structure, it should be "her unimaginable soft thighs squeeze you"
>her fingers lo king Add a 'c'
>The best night of your lifeThe previous sentence was a better finisher
>fuck, and grindDelete the comma
>warm, tight rubber sensationDelete comma
>which is never enough to make you cum, but you swear you could just sit like this for hours on end.Too bloated and long, it should be "...rubbing sensation which edges you on for hours."
>end. whenCapitalize 'w'
>she'll begin whisperingRephrase the sentence to "she'll whisper"
>runs her fingers through your hair lovinglyToo simple, use more complex words like 'stroking' or 'caress'
>extremely sensitiveCapitalize 'e'
>she's alwaysCapitalize 's'
>she'll lie thereCapitalize 's'
>and when she cums, she orgasms so intensely that her voice warbles and she spasms like she's been electrocuted.Two and's being used in a sentence is cancer. Shorten the sentence, cut the commas and use some motherfucking periods.
>expect to beCapitalize 'e'
>as a resultDrags the sentence, delete it.
>personal toy, andDelete the comma
>as you let her pussy swallowDelete 'you let' because it drags on the sentence
>you can feel Delete 'can'
This was a very disappointing paper anon, come see me after class.
