I finally read the first 3 chapters of Vaporeon-anon's Team Eevee stories. I'll review them now.
>https://rentry.org/cloverdoldrums>https://rentry.org/CloverTwinStar>https://rentry.org/CloverRuinedRoostThe story's good so far. My favorite part is the characters. They have well-defined and varied personalities, plus quirks and depth. I particularly like the relationship between d'Alin and Arimis, but everyone gets some nice interactions and banter. I also appreciate the humor and artwork.
I'm pretty sure the characters are named after the 3 Musketeers, right? d'Alin is a weird name for a human, but the reference is cool.The plot's coming along pretty nicely. I like that you gave the protagonist concrete goals, like reaching the ship in the dream and fulfilling his promise to Garchomp, and it was smart to have the new team join a skilled team to train. The foreshadowing in chapters 2 and 3 was mostly good, and it's neat how you're incorporating Clover Guild lore, like the Feds' grudge against the group.
On the other hand, I have some issues with the story. I've seen typos, clunky sentences, and malapropisms scattered around. I also wish Althi, Pirth, and Arimis were affected by their disabilities more. They can circumvent their impairments rather easily, making the disabilities feel like a somewhat pointless addition at times (it also feels kinda silly to have three disabled characters on the same team, but that may be a nitpick).
In chapter 2, it felt like Althi and Pirth were sidelined compared to Arimis, and they still need to be fleshed out a bit more. I also thought everyone dropped
their suspicion of Weavile too quickly, and Arimis probably should've followed up on it and warned the team about her concerns. Also, I wish you described the appearance of Pokemon Square and the river dungeon (especially the dungeon) in more detail to help readers visualize them.
1/2
