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Depression has been kicking my ass for a few months now, so I was already used to feeling like shit, but something happened yesterday that brought me to a new low, and I just don't know what to do anymore. Kmsing seemed like the way to go on paper, but then I remembered that no one would take care of my cats, so that's not an option, at least for now. The worst thing is, while this thread usually recommends distracting yourself with the husbando, it hurts too much when I try because I just know he wouldn't care about me if he were real. He'd never even look in my direction because I'm a worthless piece of shit and he already has so many talented fans that he'd probably be disgusted by my mere presence. He's so brilliant himself, too.
I hope this will pass eventually because trying to be a better person for him has been something that has kept me going for the past few years and I think husbandos are a great mechanism for dealing with IRL crap in general, so it hurts all the more when your own mind sabotages it.