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I'd rather use cacturne than absol. Anyway, I'd probably be the 6th or 7th gym leader (maybe 5th if my team is shit enough). The final rematch would probably have competitive-tier movesets, natures and abilities while the first rematch and gym battle would be casual pokemon, nothing special.
My gym would probably just be a very dark maze and the trainers would be hiding in the darkness. When they spot you, they'd light up and challenge you. I'd be in a light room in the back on my computer (probably browsing /vp/ or something).
>intro quote
"Oh, hi. Nice to see that somebody finally made it. I'm Matt, this gym's leader and I use dark-type pokemon. Uh, yeah, let's battle."
>after first attack
"Huh, nice."
>last pokemon at critical
"Well shit, this isn't going to end well."
>beaten
"Oof, well I guess you beat me..."
>after battle
"Nice job, man. Here's the Odd Badge and a TM containing Sucker Punch. See ya."
>first rematch
"Oh hi, welcome back. Can I test my new team against you?"
>after first rematch
"Well shit, looks like I lost again. Bye-bye now."
>second rematch
"All righty, [player's name]. I'm going to win this time, get ready to get wrecked!"
>after second rematch
"Aw...they lost again."
