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OP here again, I'm really glad I could make a cozy place for you all to vent your issues here! I've been reading through every single one of the replies, and I just wanted to let you all know: you got this! Take the steps you feel are necessary to try and overcome your problems, and even if the path doesnt seem clear, just keep pushing forward. You're all strong, and you all got this.
P.S., you all have great taste as well, anons :)