>>55802672>Troubled Sleep>https://rentry.org/moonshinesleepThe beginning set up Adrian's nightmares and violent tendencies well, and I liked how that came full circle in the end. I enjoyed the quiet, comfy tone of the ending sequence. However, the Dr. Who references were excessive and tacky, and broke my suspension of disbelief.
>The Adrian and Enny Adventure>https://rentry.org/adrianennycaveNeat to see Enny’s perspective. Nice job writing the character interactions and behavior, as usual. Enny’s thoughts and fears, along with the general tone of darkness and danger, were conveyed well. I thought the ending was okay, but I wish the talk between Adrian and Enny was longer, because I feel like the resolution of their conflict was kinda glossed over.
>The Evolution Situation>https://rentry.org/moonshinevileAnother cool concept. Interesting to see Adrian act different, and I like how you wrote his new behavior. I do have a major critique about the plot, though.
Adrian's choice didn’t have enough buildup. It hinges on feeling bad about accepting the job and killing Floatzel, but those topics aren't given enough focus. We really should've seen Adrian's reaction to the explosion instead of cutting away immediately. Also, we should've heard more of his thoughts and concerns following the incident. The way it is now, his decision and the climax feel random because we don't see enough of his reasoning. On a related note, I think all the characters should've discussed the ethics of the job, and had a stronger reaction to the shopkeeper’s death, considering how shocking/traumatic it must have been.I tried to keep my feedback brief, but I hope you find it helpful. I like the characters you've created, and I hope you keep writing and developing them further. Good luck with your future writing.
2/2
