>>54100042Okay, I read your latest chapter, Sterling-anon.
My previous critique about repetition applies here as well. You repeat the same words a lot, especially wavering/unwavering, resolve, and determination. Sometimes you even reuse them in subsequent sentences. I suggest using more synonyms, or writing in such a way that you avoid explicitly restating a specific concept/word too much.
I also find it odd how you say Blissey has "confident demeanor and unwavering resolve" when she's ordering a retreat, since running away is the opposite of confidence and resolve. Instead, retreating shows pragmatism and concern for her teammates. Keep an eye on your word choice and ensure it's consistent with the actions in the story.
Also, I think you mixed up what Zen Mode actually does. When Darmanitan enters Zen Mode, its physical attack drastically decreases, but here you write as if it drastically increases instead. If that was intentional, then you should specify that this one Darmanitan is special somehow.
I think the ending could've used more focus on people working to fix the town's problems. You say there's a whole crowd, but the only people who say/do anything are Scrafty, Sentret, and Happiny. It may have been better to specify the crowd is having a big discussion/debate about the bandits, and the trio overhears lots of rescue/exploration teams stepping up to help--especially since in a prior chapter, you said the town has plenty of skilled teams living in it.
Another problem is that you suddenly switch POVs near the end, and start referring to Sterling in third person, despite using first person for him everywhere else. Avoid changing POV like that.
(1/2)
