>>22263345>>22263537I can't get into the specifics about your 'action scene,' since I'm not the best to critique that kind of stuff. Someone else should blather on about that instead of me.
Either way, I recommend looking up some basic grammar stuff on the internet and doing some writing exercises to get yourself used to line breaks and sentence structure. As well as proper punctuation.
On a brighter note, your descriptive nouns and verbs are pretty good. You have a bit of a problem with having some things sounding a bit too 'proper' considering the setting, but even I have that issue at times. All in all, keep at it and I'm sure you'll improve in time.
