>>58625047I'll start with a positive:
You were brave posting this. You definitely seem younger and less experienced. Maybe English isn't your first language. Glad you decided to practice.
But it's shit.
>>58625053>>58625056>don't try to explain it>explains itThere is a very good reason the Lucario writer stressed "don't explain the mystery". Yesterday in
>>58623071 he shared why its a bad idea to explain the change. It immediately sucks the fun right out of the setting.
Let there be mysteries.
Let things be unanswered.
Let people fill in the blanks.
Let people discuss those blanks.
This opening doesn't add anything to your story, it detracts from it. If it were cut from the story and began with mew in the sky, it would be improve. It would still be bad, but it would improve.
Writing legendaries is already a horrible idea. Telling the reader "erm, this oc legendary won't be overpowered" just makes me scratch my head. Why not use literally any other psychic pokemon at that point? Can "looks like a god but doesn't have god powers" work? Sure. But I'll be frank, you need to practice writing before tackling something like that.
>>58625110>“Nuh-uh!” I float over to her and waggle a finger at her. “I was told that I didn’t have any god-ness in me. So that means I’m not a Legendary and get to do whatever I want! I am mundane, or no, I am not of Heaven? Not divine, yeah… I am terrene! That's a good word for it!”pic related
