>>53886434>>53887035>>53887369Thanks!
>>53887697Thanks a lot for the criticism. I did try to be consistent in portraying the flashback with past-tense and present/progressive for everything else, though there's bound to be some tense issues that I missed. The one exception I made was at the end of the first half in order to reinforce the intensity of the moment. It's likely one of those things that works out better in one's head than in execution though lol
I really appreciate the feedback on sentence structure. I think I made it clear that I'm an ESL-kun with this, and knowing how to write evocative and organic sentences is a big priority for me. I've already decided on my throughline and key events, so my main concern is dialog and descriptions. I'll try to be careful in the future!
That is if I'll ever finish this 