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I was part of some pretty weird social structures growing up completely rurally and was molested and assaulted (which never bothered me), I had no idea how to interact and form proper human connections and only really started interacting with peer-aged individuals when I turned 13. When I entered highschool a male found himself in a mentor position to me (musically, and athletically) and I became obsessive and compulsively controlled him into dating me even though it was quite the age gap, he agreed. I would write fanfiction to try and court him since he was fond of my portal 2 writing and send it to him over MSN chat, I'd masturbate while knowing he was reading it even though he was a very serious individual and never wanted to break the line of "no-touch until I was 18". The worst I did was push myself on him one time when we were building a hut in the woods and leave blatant hints I wanted him to take advantage of me physically, I knew I pushed him away, it's been several years since we've spoken and he just silently disappeared on me. I could apologize and wish him the best in life. It was just, so easy to control him, I'm glad he escaped.
That's the thing that weighs on me the most.
