>>56091437I read IV-anon's chapter, and I liked it. I love how you write your characters' dialogue and interactions, and the combat was engaging and interesting. I also liked the descriptions of the electricity at the beginning. As for criticism, the plot was pretty straightforward and not very deep, and I strongly disliked the
endless barrage of memes in the climax. Also, the very last scene felt a bit random and out of place. But overall, I enjoyed reading it.
>>56091495I also checked out your first 3 chapters, and they're pretty good. Your writing is descriptive and doesn't have many grammar issues, and I appreciate the kinda low-stakes vibe you're going for. I like the characters too. Mimi is funny and endearing, and you convey her personality well. The relationship between her and Rhys is nice so far (and their team name is cool).
On the other hand, you may need to go deeper into explaining why Rhys is so determined to help people, to the point where he'll risk his life for it (though you may already be setting that up in the flashbacks).
I also notice you tend to start scenes with back-and-forth dialogue without clarifying who's talking, which can be confusing sometimes because readers can't visualize who's in the scene.
Additionally, we need more info about Sneasel's villainy--we're told she's "cruel and menacing", but the only thing we see her do is put a dude in an armlock (and for all we know, maybe he deserved it). She'd be a better villain if we had a more concrete depiction of what bad things she's done.
Lastly, in chapter 3,
the encounter with the bears felt a bit boring because Rhys/Mimi didn't do much. They simply asked the bears to release the bug and waited for them to comply. It would've been a more exciting climax if they had to take action somehow, either by fighting or arguing with the bears.Despite this criticism, I like it so far, and I'll keep an eye on this story.