Finished reading Within Me
https://rentry.org/WithinMe1 chapter 1 2 3 4 5 and 6!!!! Took the whole evening, but I was so fucking comfy with my drinks and pmd music, I couldn't stop reading.
I assume espeon anon wrote it right? Or was it a collaborative effort with Dav anon and Mako anon? Anyway, here's my review.
First of all, the writing quality of all 6 chapters was great, it's clear to me you have writing experience!
I don't btw I just comment my thoughts on stories kekChapter 1 2 3 4: very nice intro, I like your descriptions of animal body parts to convey emotion, such as describing Beau's ear and tail movement. It's one of the things I like seeing with pokémon authors, mons have a lot of different body parts that you can use to help the reader visualize a character's body language.
and it's cuteGardevoir bartender :
>Not a lot of Pokémon drink from reeds (straws). But the ones who do, normally come from Capim TownHUH!?!? Did she call us Capim Town niggas a bunch of pussies or something!?!?! What did she mean by this!?!?
Anyway, If I am to be honest, not a whole lot happens with the first 4 chapters. It feels like a drawn out intro. Nonetheless, I found it comfy to read.
Chapter 5 was my favourite one! The gang arrives in Capim Town and find the guild ; this is where the fun begins :D:D:D. It was an amazing chapter! I have mentioned it a lot of times in my reviews, but I am a huge sucker for Capim Town descriptions, I like to get immersed in stories, and the way this chapter described the town, how the folks were going about their day, the town's roads and architecture, the various shops etc.. made me very immersed in the story! Each of Team crusader encountered a different guild member separately, and the choice of members that they encountered was PERFECT!!! Pairing Mako with Ronnie was hilarious and Dav encountering KFC is so perfect for those who read KFC's stories. Amazing!!!
continued next post
