>>54345142Pretty solid.
I'll confess, rather than reread the story a second time, I used the MS Word "compare" tool to cheat so I only read the changes. Anyway, a few things on the final Lillie portion.
>repelled most wild pokemon*pokémon
>Dawn grabbed her nearest pokeball*pokéball
>She'd felt a similar shock on the day she'd woke up*woken up
>Lillie's shakey voice called out from the tent*shaky