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i have grown more bitter and cold as i have been betrayed and let down by "friends" to the point of not caring anymore about making friends
i used to wish for lots of friends, but now i only wish for the pain of being lonely to stop
that frustration has come from the feeling that nobody gives a fuck about what i do, i am a programmer and nobody of my little circle of 4 people care about what programs i do or could do for them, i tried drawing and nobody cared either so i stopped drawing despite noticing steady progress
my dream of becoming a game developer only falls in the same trap of "why even try if i have nobody to care about it?" along with the fear of my work just being eaten into the nothingness just like my programs and my drawings
