>>48269937unfortunately people with BDP are primarily characterized by abandonment. a propensity to abandon, a fear of abandonment. an incapability to maintain healthy relationships that either result in them jumping the gun and isolating or other people getting sick of them. i've "stepped back" in admittedly not well though out ways 3 times now. and every time they manage to somehow make contact with me again, it's clear that all my absence did was make them hurt more. my guilty conscious succumbs, and i start talking to them again. but this has come at the cost of literally all of my friends thinking im an idiot for caring about someone this unstable and playing the stupid song and dance of "we're never speaking again" and then getting right back into the groove one month later.
they have a completely stagnant single digit amount of friends. maybe its a shithead thing to say, but i genuinely think nobody cares about them as much as i do. not to say that if i up and abandon them again they won't have anyone to help, merely anyone who gives a fuck as much as i do. someone whos willing to drop literally fucking everything, give anything and everything just for the sake of trying to make them stable and happy. but i feel trapped. like all the instability that's been progressively getting worse over the last couple months is the result of me abandoning them previously. to do it again might just send them over the edge. and again, nobody gives a fuck as much as i do. so im just forced to sit here and continue to have all of my few friends call me a hypocrite and a dumbass for trying to do what i consider the right thing. sucks.
