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I'm categorized as a highly sensitive person, and it gives me severe social anxiety. I've been pretending to be happy for over 5 years of my life, and only recently have I been treated for my depression. Because of it, I've acquired an eating disorder that is absolutely the worst thing I've ever experienced it causes a neverending loop of hating myself, and then hating myself for hating myself.
The amount of "larger than life" topics I think about daily is overwhelming. I feel I have to prove my existence by contributing to society and the overall benefit for the world. Literally, I could be doing anything and just all of a sudden start thinking about the magnitude of the universe or the complexity of everything around us. Today I was eating Chik-fil-a, and I started getting really depressed to where I was almost crying because of the paper bag my food came in, thinking about how I should be helping clean the world and recycle, instead of wasting the paper used to carry my food and then put it in the trash to go to a landfill.
Also today, I was peeling off skin from a recently acquired sunburn, and I just stopped to realize "this is a part of me, this is made up of millions of my cells, I am literally holding part of me that is dead" and then I begun thinking about the magnitude of the trillions of millions of billions of atoms that make up my cells that make up my body. I think about stuff like this all the time and it bothers me that no one else seems to care or think that this stuff is extraordinary other than me.
I have no idea what to do with my life, and I'm terrified of making a decision because of fear of failure, but I've recently started thinking that I might want to go into some sort of science that deals with animals, either extinct or living; I think it would be amazing to be a paleontologist or a marine biologist.
National Geographic Wild is my favorite channel, and I think learning is one of the coolest things you can do
