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"HAIL TRAVELER! Welcome to the endlessly stretching SIBERIAN wasteland that is: "TYPEARCTICA". YOU'VE COME JUST IN TIME FOR SUMMER VACATION! I am the lone guard in our border patrol--LUXIFER!.... I ALSO DABBLE IN ACCOUNTING! What business do you hath here?"
A) "I don't get it.. What's so 'bad' about you?"
B) "Yeah, can I get a fucking parka? I'M FREEZING OVER HERE!"
C) "One hot cocoa please."
D) "Ohhhh I can already tell I'm not going to like you.."