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I think I have some kind of mental condition because my whole life has been lived on autopilot, but not very effectively. Through school I was always shy and quiet but I had friends and wasn't ever really bullied. I never put in any effort to get a girlfriend so I have no experience with women. I never focused on anything in particular and never really built any real skills even though I was a fantastic student. After I graduated I started going to a community college for a while but not anymore, couldn't decide on a major let alone pay for it. I feel like all of my best years were critically wasted because I just couldn't be bothered to try or think for myself or something, I don't know what got me here really. All of the things I could say really interest me now that I've had time to ponder it are not things that will make me a lot of money and I'm too hesitant to pursue them for fear of wasting more and more of my time only for my family to bail me out if it predictably fails. I think all I have to look forward to is a boring life with things mostly out of my control due to the strange and empty way I've already lived, and I'll have to do it alone.
