>>33702209Y'ever read something and think: "Where the fuck do I begin?" Because that's me right now. What plot twist are you talking about?
What's with all these parenthetical statements that do nothing but tell? What's with all the telling for that matter? There's this long series of events to start up and it all seems so uninteresting. It isn't until the very end of this that things even start to become engaging, and that's only because it's a dialogue about an event that's far more interesting than any of the content of the chapter.
We have no real basis for understanding any of these characters, just a long series of names attached to sentence after sentence of exposition that seems like it's all being laid out for the sole purpose of not having to come up with a reason to [show] to your reader, instead opting to [tell] them instead.
The chapter also reads choppy as all hell with its abundance of one-sentence paragraphs, constant breaks from one scene to another (for God's sake man, you jump from one scene to another after just a single sentence), and the swirling mass of characters you shotgunned into everyone's faces.
Compounding all of this is prose that is equal parts dry and pretentious, and also [confusing]. Tulla goes to this statue, then these other three go to the statue, and they just sort of start talking to one another, no introductions nothing. And to cap everything off, you swap tenses randomly between past and present.
Your name's a bloody lie.
