>>33702209I'm coming out of hiding
no one ask just to ask you "What in the living hell have you written?"
I can't tell what's going on. I can't tell why what's going on is going on. I can't tell who is going on. I can't tell why I'm choosing to say any of this.
Honestly, I'm impressed. It's like you managed to take the physical acting of The Room and someone how turn it into words, like the reverse of a script. You took what you saw and turned it into words on the spot.
And honestly I think that's part of the problem here. In retrospect, this entire thing reads like if you were shooting separate scenes of some sort of indie film and mashed them together into what you believed to have been an abstract piece of art. It doesn't work.
This thing is just full of phrases and events that don't go anywhere. It reads like someone was thrown a thesaurus and told "choose a random page and random word and insert one at 30 second intervals." Much like high school, it's full of names of people I don't know yet am expected to know about. It's so utterly devoid of any feeling (unless you were trying to invoke confusion) or readable flow that if it weren't for the fact that there's a captcha to clear out bots from posting, I would've been convinced this was randomly generated by a machine that samples fanfiction.
And the worst part is it's all wrapped up in this illusion that it's part of something grander, more intricate and complex that's beyond our current scope of understanding. I'll give it the former part though, because it's so far backwards gone in any sort of writing fluency that I can't even begin to finish this sentence with a proper point because I'm at such a loss.
10/10, consider entering a writing competition.
:^) 