Another story critique... 6 months overdue.
>KFC-anon's "KFC Gets a Win">https://rentry.org/49yqhI thought the obstacles and enemies in the first half were too easy. We're told this Hypno is a major threat and has defeated many skilled Pokemon, but her minions are so lethargic and braindead, and she's a total pushover.
However, I really liked the second half, because the conversation was written well. It provided a nice look into KFC's mind, and it was interesting to see how the discussion developed and both characters changed their behavior/thoughts over time.
As for grammar, I noticed some clunky sentences and typos, but it's still readable. That said, I do find your writing to be a bit clinical and overly precise sometimes--like saying "turned 180 degrees counterclockwise" instead of just saying "turned around", or listing off every single Pokemon in the monster house, or talking about degrees and phases of wavelengths during the hypnosis scene. Perhaps consider being less exacting and more casual, and not using technical terminology unless you provide a quick little explanation of what it means. That may make your writing a little smoother and easier to read.
That's not to say this story is bad or hard to read, though. I liked it overall, and I hope you continue writing. I know you've still got that "Path to Aura" WIP story, and I'm excited to see how it turns out.
