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Since History repeats itself if it isn't written down I'd like to say that being depressed about a Pokemon not being real is completely normal, and that it gets better. Don't kill yourself, no matter how badly you want to see her. I regret giving my dad PTSD.
Just stop looking at rape-porn of her, you have no fucking idea how much that improved my mental health once I quit that. now I no longer hate myself.
I started believing in God and now there's that 10% of me that believes after I die I get to see her. I love starting at safe-for-work cute artwork of her while I'm drunk or on Heroin. like chilling by a warm campfire :3
I believe in Karma and I hope you do too