>>54144326Alright, time for my review!
I'll start off with a bit of criticism since I only have really one point, the prose here still feels slightly too concise at times (though for the most part it's been cleaned up since the first draft) and I couldn't quite put my finger on it during betareading but it also feels a little bit... dry? It just feels a bit matter-of-fact, though I wonder if that's again a symptom of the punctuation, nearly every sentence ends with a period (not that that's abnormal) and has maybe a comma at most (or the rare emdash) to break it up, so every sentence kind of flows the same and it ends up feeling too consistent the whole way through. I think really all my criticism just comes down to the "flow" of it, I know you can't just butcher sentences randomly for the sake of sticking in a semicolon or ellipsis or emdash or something, but sometimes I find myself rewriting sentences/paragraphs that are fine in and of themselves just to make sure they don't throw off the flow of everything.
I don't know, I think I'm just being a bit crazy, I tend to fixate on weird barely-tangible details ^^;
Anyways, onto the praise, because besides my one criticism (which I don't think is really a big deal either) I absolutely love this story.
First off,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWith that out of the way,
This one's so cuuuuuute, I really love it <3
I think you incorporated my suggestions well, and in terms of the actual content of the story I have no further criticism. Booker no longer leaves her side too early, the explanation for why his touches wouldn't wake her makes sense (though I never worried about that part myself), and the additions to his dialogue near the end definitely justify him getting all flustered now >:3 (personally I'm happy I convinced you to lean all the way into romantic feelings with it instead of just vaguely skirting it)We already discussed that while I was betareading though, so...
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