>>54753082 Reason No. 1: States of Matter
Firstly, for nearly 30 years, Vaporeon's Pokédex entries stated how its cell structure is very reminiscent of water and how it can basically disappear into its environment as long as it's near or in a source of water. If you try to grope for trout in a peculiar river with a Vaporeon, you're going to get wet alright, but not in the way you would have hoped for, because you would be trying to get it on with a living puddle of water. Its slippery, eel-like skin makes groping it and fondling it borderline impossible too. Yeah, sorry to rain on your parade (pun intended), but you aren’t going to pleasure yourself with this playful, pelagic pocket monster anytime soon. The water-based biology from the original copypasta was true, but there were some facts that Pee-Wee Spermin must have left out for unknown reasons. The biggest one is that the ability Hydration only works when it is raining. Also, just because it has the ability Absorb Waterdoesn't mean it will turn white after getting inseminated by you. I should know because somebody I knew tried doing that with a toilet bowl once. I am not going to name names because I don’t want to get sued, but I will say that they got no satisfaction whatsoever.
