>>55529006I read Togetic-anon's "Togetic's Echoes of Adventure".
>https://rentry.org/3odi7xbfNice story! You did a fantastic job describing what it's like to be bombarded and overwhelmed with so much noise, making it easy to understand how Toge feels. The characters and combat were written well too. I liked the way the trio interacted and got better at working together, and the whole thing about who should be leader made for good character development.
You mentioned you were unsure about pacing and cuts. The pacing seemed fine to me, but some scene transitions could've been smoother. Make sure to set the stage for your audience when a new scene begins, explaining things like time, location, characters' moods, etc.
For instance, after the scene changed from the Lapras ride to the dungeon entrance, you could've said:
>The two of them kept bickering all the way to Echo Grotto.This would inform the reader about the changing time/location and how things have progressed.
And in the transition from the night camp to the 2nd dungeon attempt, you could've said:
>The next morning, as we prepared to give the dungeon another shot, I showed Enny my makeshift earmuffs.This would clarify that the night has passed and everyone is getting ready to enter the dungeon again.
Also, a minor critique about the very last scene: I thought it was a nice conclusion, but initially,
the plush seemed like it came out of nowhere. After re-reading the story, though, I realized it's the thing Adrian/Enny were looking for at the start of the story. I assume Toge snuck in overnight and took the plush away. Maybe you could've written Toge thinking about it during that initial scene once he hears the duo arguing about it, to remind readers that the plush exists, since it becomes relevant later.Overall, a very enjoyable story. Great work as always, and I'm glad you were able to finish it in time for the anniversary. Looking forward to whatever you write next!
