I read most of the Summer Festival stories, so I'll share my thoughts on them. I won't go over Chespin-anon and KFC-anon's stories here, because I already reviewed their drafts earlier (I liked both of their stories, for the record). And I'll finish reading Petal-purr's stories soon.
>Togetic-anonhttps://rentry.org/9oxcsg9cThis was an entertaining read with great comedic bits. The
CYOA was a neat idea. The ending was satisfying and acted as a good bookend for the opening, and the
surprise Dewott scene was a cool bonus.
I did feel like Toge and Pika's discussion at the start dragged on too long, and perhaps Shelby could've been more antagonistic to add more stakes to the story. On the other hand, the length of the debate did emphasize how much the characters care about the topic, and having low stakes isn't necessarily a bad thing. Overall, great story.
>Espeanon and Flareon-anonhttps://rentry.org/CriminalCorralFestivalI think you both wrote the characters very well. The way Beau and Adrian behaved and argued, and the way their relationship developed over time, felt realistic and believable.
I saw quite a few grammar issues (like improper capitalization, wrong pronouns, and random tense changes), though nothing was bad enough to ruin the story. I also felt like the way you structured dialogue became repetitive, since it was almost always written with speech first and dialogue tag second ("blah blah blah," he said). I'd suggest switching it up to add more variety.
And after the fight scene at the climax, the story kinda dragged on and fizzled out by the end. The final part of the story probably could've been shortened (for example, the poncho scene could've been moved into the body of the story instead of being in the resolution). But despite these flaws, I enjoyed reading this story because of the way Adrian and Beau were written.
