Quoted By:
Every single time I need to put the pen down I go through a specific ritual that I’ve found through brute force and determination. Because I can't just close everything and start writing, it's like my brain refuses to "just write". I NEED to do this to write anything good. I HAVE to do this.
First I close everything. I close 4chan, every site and tab, I lock my phone and put it away. Then I use an app to make sure I can't open them again for 2+ hours. I have an app that can do that and is impossible to circumvent. Then I stop I just stop.. I don’t do anything. I stare at a wall. I'm not even kidding. I stare at a wall. Because there is nothing I can do except stare at a wall or write. That’s the only two options I have left. And I don’t want to write at first. So I stare at a wall.
When I do it, my thoughts first start drifting to random shit, sometimes about the story I'm putting off, but usually something completely unrelated. It’s funny, when there’s nothing to entertain you, you become really animated to entertain yourself. You start thinking out loud.
Then I get bored of that... So I don't do anything. Literally. I stare at the wall, maybe I pace around my house like a lunatic. There's like a moment where even the ‟momentum” of doing nothing stops and it's like I'm finally waking up and I’m in full control of my mind. No more distractions. Then it's like my brain gets tired. I usually start yawning a lot by then time. Like 10-20 times in a row, and I really feel like I want to sleep. And then, when it’s over, it's like I'm finally awake and ready to write, and usually really energized to write too. I don’t write with any music, by the way. But I do have candles and hot chocolate.
I used to think I needed to do this to switch my brain from ‟input mode” to ‟output mode”. But more recently I’ve realized I’m actually just resetting my dopamine receptors so I can better focus.
This usually takes 20-40 minutes every time I write.
Am I autistic?
