>>53719750I don't know how to tell you this mate, but that fellow died back in September of last year. That is kind of one of the reasons I've been trying to get my shit together and help other people get their shit together, because death can happen to any of us, at any time and it sucks. Dying before your time, before all the accomplishments and achievements done, its pretty gruesome mate. Which is why I'm trying to help, because it sounds like you don't have self value because you find life pointless and find more desire in death than in waking up the next day to more achievements and goals.
You're depressed and self depreciative; learn to enjoy little things and accomplishments, and strive for more. Be proud of yourself and say "How will I improve myself tomorrow?" instead of "I don't want to wake up tomorrow because there's no point."
>>53719811Try taking up a hobby, raising animals or land, or go hiking. Try to break the monotony of life and challenge yourself in your down/off time.
A little bit of sunlight, and D3 ain't gonna hurt bro. Maybe involve yourself with people who raise you up, and take pleasure in the simplicity of life, while figuring out its complexities.
I'm not a doctor, but it sounds like you're depressed and burnt out, but you spin it as "I'm too aware, there's no point in anything."
You've hit a mid life crises, and instead of being an Ubermensch about it, you're choosing to be a sad sack. So stop it with the pity party, and get up from your piss puddle and live, accomplish, do.