>>56256538I didn't read this part yet, but I can review the previous one.
You did a good job depicting the scenery, culture, and characters' personalities, but there were flaws too. Quite a few sentences have clunky structure and faulty grammar. I could point out examples, but I don't know if I can give overarching advice aside from reading stories and studying more to polish your own writing. You also forget to use commas in quotes or put them where they don't belong, and you might want to consider using dialogue tags more often, since some quotes have an unclear speaker. You should also use less passive voice, since it can make sentences unwieldy and obscure who's doing the action. And the protagonist should've had his name and species stated earlier. That way, we know what he looks like, and you can be more specific when referring to him (using only "he" gets confusing with multiple dudes around).
The ending felt abrupt, and the idea of the merchant being a bad guy wasn't conveyed well enough. He felt like a victim, being cheated out of a sale that would've benefited both parties. If we're meant to agree with Dylus that he's a bad guy, he has to do something bad (like taking advantage of Elias and making an unfair deal). That would also give the story a proper climax where Dylus saves Elias, which adds tension and helps the characters bond.
Speaking of which, their friendship doesn't have much chemistry so far. Elias has no reason to trust Dylus, and Dylus is oddly friendly and generous with Elias. I think you could've improved that by expanding on the intro: if you showed Dylus comforting the kid and possibly explained why he became a rescuer, it would build up his character as being charitable, justifying the way he acts to Elias--and helping the intro feel less disconnected to the rest of the story.
Those are just my thoughts, but I hope you find it helpful. Glad to see you're continuing your story, and I wish you luck with your future writing (and art).
