I've been working on my ETF submission, but for some reason, it's been really tough. I could use some help, so I'm going to post the incomplete draft and see if anyone wants to read it and share feedback.
https://rentry.org/RibombeeAnchorageI don't think this draft is too terrible, but it can definitely be improved, so I'd greatly appreciate hearing your thoughts on it (if you have the time to read and review). In particular, here are some things I'm not confident about:
1. Should Scenes 1-3 be cut so the story starts at Scene 4? I feel like the opening may need to be more streamlined. If I do this, I'll rewrite parts of Scene 4 to make it work better as an introduction.
2. Related to the last question, is the story dragging on? It's about 11000 words and still not done, so I'm worried the pacing is bad or it's generally too slow and boring.
3. Is the disagreement/conflict between Sneasel and Charm written well enough? Do their arguments, beliefs, and actions make sense? Does the argument develop smoothly and logically, or does it seem to go nowhere and repeat itself?
4. Should I do more to show the benefits of Charm's way of thinking? I feel like I may need to include more useful rewards or cool scenery to show that taking risks has its benefits (and if you have ideas for more rewards and sights, or other good things that result from taking risks, let me know).
5. Currently, "taking risks" basically means exploring each floor thoroughly... does that make sense, or do you have other ideas for how I can depict the characters taking risks?
6. Should the subplot about the researcher and the anchor be cut? I like the idea of adding lore, but I'm worried it may feel pointless.
7. And if Charmander-anon happens to be here: am I handling your characters well enough?
