>>49092153>Was it always been this way with you?Yes. Your Christmas gift, dear anon, is to know that on the few times I was brought to church as a child the notion of God was something lost to me. There was no such thing here, at home or at school. Only crushing depression and despair. Likewise, Jesus Christ was only another man like the hundreds I'd seen before. There was no purity or purpose in the few teachings I received and no purity or purpose that I could fathom in the Bible I read over and over front to back a dozen plus times because it was that or stare at the wall, just rote memorization and singing of something that was entirely lost on me. The only beauty I could find was in something that was not human, and even then I was only allowed tiny glimpses of sea dragons colored a shade of blue purer than the sky itself leaping from fresh blue water.
I could be there. I could stand there, and I could be God to them. Every child likes the most powerful by instinct, that's why kids on the playground have entire teams of hacked legendaries. Adults are the ones that like heroes, like good instead of evil, like *settling* for something less. If there was one single purpose of religion, it was to give me fantasies of being the strongest and best by being God. 