>>18596581I think things like #7 are superfluous and could be cut. (I'm not saying the farm side quest shouldn't be in the game, I very much like the farm quest. I'm saying you should remove it for now and then submit it as a separate side-quest after the overall plot is accepted.)
I'm also not a huge fan of how often Sequoia shows up, but that's just my opinion.
Overall I don't think it's a bad plot though, I just think it could use some editing.
