I have a review for Makuhita-anon's main story "The Great Bulk". It's a long story, and I lost the original notes I was making for each chapter, so I won't go into detail for each part of the story. I'll mainly stick to general thoughts and feedback.
>https://rentry.org/GreatBulk1First off, I think you provide great characterization for everyone, especially Makky and Assy. Their contrasts and banter are really enjoyable to read about. I think their overall character development is okay (but I'd have to read the story all in one sitting to really get a sense of the character arcs), and it's nice to see them learn and get stronger over time. Dialogue is written well for the most part, though it feels a bit stilted and unnatural at times. I also like the episodic nature of the story, and the wide variety of conflicts and villains are interesting to watch. The worldbuilding is mostly good as well; it's neat to see stories taking place far away from the Clover Guild, and I'm curious to see how you weave your stories together into our main narrative. And as for grammar, I'm not seeing many major mistakes.
Fight scenes are mostly good and have a nice amount of variety in the moves and strategies, but I have some gripes here and there. Some attacks seem to do less or more damage than they should, for instance. Also, characters pull out super convenient items a few times too many, sometimes feeling like a deus ex machina. There are even cases where one character uses a bunch of items throughout the fight, and the other side makes no effort to stop them, which makes me scratch my head. Actually, on a related note, there are times when characters perform multiple actions in a row without their opponent taking any steps to stop them, almost as if the combat is turn-based. That can make fight scenes feel a bit awkward or unrealistic. Also, the descriptions of Asana manipulating her Aura can get repetitive, because it happens pretty often.
1/2
