By coincidence, like Linoone-anon, I was also working on a review for Espeon-anon's writing. I'll post it now, after sharing my thoughts on the Adrian-anon stories that I haven't reviewed yet. I hope you both find it helpful.
>"The Day Off" by Adrian-anon>https://rentry.org/thedayoffPretty dialogue-heavy, but I think it's a decent slice-of-life, and you portray Adrian and Vileplume's personalities/interactions well. It's also improved compared to the draft I looked at earlier, so that's good. On the other hand, it kinda feels like nothing really happens, and there's not much point to the story, if that makes sense. I do like the idea of Adrian mellowing out when discussing topics he enjoys (such as backpacking), and I think more could have been done with that. If the conversation stayed on that topic for longer, and Adrian realized that he actually feels happy and relaxed while talking about it, it could've made for some decent character development. That may be an idea to consider for future stories.
>"Circus Freaks" by Adrian-anon>https://rentry.org/kennyabraNot a bad little story. The magician stuff is a neat concept, and I like how you wrote the Pokemon of the circus and the way Kenny interacts with them, but I feel like Kenny's character could've been fleshed out more.
>"Within Me" by Espeon-anon>https://rentry.org/WithinMe1 etc.The core idea of an isekai'd friend group is interesting. You do a good job writing the banter and dialogue between them. It feels very natural. I also like how they're gradually learning about their powers, and the combat in Chapter 4 is alright. I particularly enjoyed Chapter 5--it has nice descriptions of the town, and you wrote all the characters very well (especially the comedic parts with Ronnie). That chapter is easily my favorite of the bunch. Chapter 6's tender part with Dav's hobby and backstory is nice, and all the drawings are a cool addition too.
(1/2)
