>>54405434>>54406446>"Is the term "witch doctor" racist?" Dawn wondered.See single quote marks comment above.
>Anyway my point is, Olivia isn't... that.*Anyway,
>Lana knew I had rode my bike to get there*ridden
>It was perfectly, natural consensual lovemaking between two enthusiastic partnersMove the comma to after "natural"
>"I guess I can't prove any of that happened," Dawn said, "So you'll just Either period after "said" or lowercase the S in "So". I'd say the latter.
>"Big, buff, tan-skinned men with dyed hair and..."Would "dark-skinned" not be more apt for the context?
>Dawn could already see the girl standing fully erectI'm not sure "girl" is all that was intended.
>"Don't call it "him" please," Lillie pleaded.See single quote marks comment above.
>even though she'd been too shy to be up front about it.*upfront
>She stroked Mallow carefully*Lillie
>"There was... two of you or something..."*were
>"Hngh..."Lillie said suddenlySpace after second quote mark.
>"I told you I'd make your first time special.Missing quote mark at the end.
>Lillie wondered off, her eyes wandering to the spotI'm not sure "wandered off" or "wondered off" are dialogue tags desu.
As for Dawn, to quote the author's note at the end of one of ficanon's lewds: "Okay, but seriously, use lube."
2/2